I found 5 unfinished journals as I was organizing my apartment last week. 5!! Though it was fun to see glimpses of me over the last decade as I flipped through all those pages, it was more and more sad to abruptly come to the end of each journal – I even stopped a journal mid-entry which is kind of insane. Now, I won’t say I’m the world’s most reliable narrator.. and that’s on me to reform eventually.. but! I will earnestly say that I don’t want to just start another journal and not give it a proper goodbye until I’m ready to move on from it. So why am I here? Well, this is journal #6 and even though it’s been 5 years since I wrote in this one, I realized I still want to share bits and pieces of me with my friends on the internet from time to time.
Coming back to work on something you haven’t even considered in such a long time is an interesting experience, especially when it’s a personal project that reeks of who you were at the time you last touched it. Naturally when I realized I still had this journal my first instinct was to start over because who I am now is not who I was then and I’ll admit, I feel some embarrassment reading some of what I wrote then. Today, I would phrase things differently, emphasize different things, capitalize my sentences, but despite the urge to leave and start anew, I am actively choosing to continue writing here. I am actively choosing to leave those old posts visible too. I think it is important for me not to shun the thoughts that were worth it for me to share at the time because even if they were poorly worded and a bit awkward, these posts will surely be poorly worded and a bit awkward to me in 5 years time too. I mean they already are LOL. In all honesty I do think it is generally easier to throw things away and start over (see: 5 unfinished journals) so I am actively choosing to do the harder thing by staying, cringing occasionally, and growing anyway. I maintain that the most cringe (and funny) person in your life should be you so you might as well embrace it, learn from it, live with it, and keep on truckin’ baby.
This space will be used to talk about things I like or recent experiences that have impacted me in some way. Expect lists, some photos, quotes, questions, and anything else in between. My overall goal is to let myself be known a little more by those who wish to know me better so whether we are friends or are not friends yet, I hope you enjoy.
gossamer 